Ladies...Why Is It The Older We Get The More We Feel Like We Are In High School Again?
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Wrinkles and Mean Girls.
Why is it that when we women approach "mid-life"(remember 40 is the new 50) we find ourselves contending with wrinkles, grey hair and the mean girls all over again!!! It's bad enough everything is sagging, bagging and dragging but now once again we find ourselves up against the "High School Mean Girls". It's like they have been in the closet for years and suddenly decide to pop out as their kids get older and they get bored.
It seems this group of women become very busy with husbands, family, work, PTA and don't show their mean girl side until life gets a bit dull and they begin to have their own mid-life crisis (see my other Hub) and inadvertently start looking for trouble.
This is a crafty bunch. They go under the radar for years. You can befriend them and never know what they were in their "former life". You can go out with them, email them, call them, go on vacation with them, sit on committees with them, play sports with them and never know that they were mean girls! The mean girl will only admit to being a mean girl amongst her own kind.
This all being said I am not quite sure that I wasn't a bit of a mean girl myself at times. I had my momments that I am not very proud of but what I am sure of is my basic disposition is not that of a mean girl.
The Feeling.
It doesn't matter whether it was years ago when you walked down the hallways of your High School or today when you walk down your child's school hallway, or you walk into a party, take your child to the park, or walk past a co-workers you can always feel the mean girl stare. A feeling of unbelievable self consciousness comes over you and you can't help but being paranoid. You become painfully aware of everything you do and say. Then you start second guessing all of your actions. Maybe this and maybe that. She might have thought this or she might have thought that. Bla bla bla........
They may say a phony "Hello" with the sickening sweet smile or go the full blown "mean girl" and basically just stare at you with that blank face and start trouble. It always amazes me how the mean girl can keep such a straight face and just blankly stare at you without even a blink. It takes soooooo much more effort to be mean and ignore someone. It is so much easier to say "Hi" and smile! Then there are those who will befriend you and those are the tricky ones because they may not show their colors for quite some time.
Think about it as we get older almost anything we join we will have to contend with a mean girl or two. We thought we were off of the hook for the years between high school and the "grown up" years. We were distracted by little kids, husbands, boyfriends. Once we emerge from the trenches BAM there they are. Every where we go, book clubs, lunches, PTA, sports, and work. Mean chicks don't travel alone so there is always a side kick. One is easy to deal with but two ir more can be tricky. They gain their powers in their numbers.
I have felt I just don't have the time in my very busy life to deal with the mean girl. It seems that I should have graduated from that arena. I was actually very surprised to see that this occurs so frequently later in life. I actually feel that I am not as well equipped for this today as I was yesterday. Once you leave this behind you don't want to go back to this behavior. Too tired, too old, too mature, too done!!!!
What Fuels the Mid-Life Mean Girl?
It is obvious that the mean girl is unhappy and has a LOT more going on than we will every know. That being said it still stinks to be in the wrath of the mean girl and her mean girl posse. She smiles and she looks fabulous but is usually a nastly little soul. Why? Well, psycology 101: The mean girl is insecure. Who knows why but even though she looks great, has a great husband, has a great body, great car, great kids with no obvious worries the mean girl is just not happy (there is a whole other group of mean girls who are not so pretty, thin and lack the funds they feel they deserve). Maybe everything is great and she just doesn't know how to be happy or maybe things are not great at all. Maybe her husband is a cheat who ignores her, maybe she never wanted the kids, maybe the big house is lonely, maybe she is so skinny because she throws up all day and drinks way too muchd red wine. Who really knows? It may be a very sad story. However ladies we still DON'T want to contend with the mean girls.
I find it doesn't matter where you live the mean girls are everywhere. You can be in an the city, suburbs or a rural community and they just simply are.
JEALOUSY is a major player in this game. Think about it. Keeping up with the Jones' goes on everywhere (who are these Jones'??) There will always be other Jones to keep up with. You can spend your life keeping up with the Jones'. This is a lesson well learned.
Even if you live in a community where every house is valued between 2 and 6 million dollars the 2 million dollar people get the snub. Who has the better luxury car? Whose child goes to the better private school? If you live in a rural community who has the better farm, bigger acreage, the better truck. and so on. Trailer homes, who has the double wide? It is human nature to compare. The mean girls take this to a new height. They won't let you know their dirty little jealous secret. They are never happy no matter what. Happy people are just not mean, period.
Alas...
Ladies.......My thoughts are forget the mean girls! They breed bad and negative energy. Hold your heads up high, be confident, smile, look fabulous, look past them if you have to. Be the nice person you are! Like attracts like. They are caught in a never ending cycle of meanness. Radiate niceness and it will come back to you. You can diffuse the mean girl.
I know it is easier sad than done. Remember they are nothing more than misguided Sisters!!
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Thanks so much for sharing! Glad it all paid off for you.
You're welcome Candace. And welcome to hubpages :)
I have worked with women like this on a number of occasions, and it is horrible. In fact I ended trying too hard to make the one woman be nice to me, and it just seemed to make her worse. My last job at the Vets was one of the few places I found no mean girls at all, and it felt like bliss after all the others.
Excellent Hub.
Misty- glad you also found a pleasant place to work. Thanks for the comment.
Very well-written, candace! I've had my share of mean girls, too, and struggled with my own self-image because of their meanness. It builds them up when they tear someone down. The only solution is to move physically away from them: change jobs, move to another city, avoid any contact.....not always possible!
Not always possible. It does build themup to tear you down. Can't let them do that. Thanks for the comment.
I've worked with my fair share of mean girls over the years. It's a shame, but some people's whole sense of self-esteem rests on how attractive/rich/slim/well connected they are relative to other people. A lot of this stems from insecurity, but some girls really are just mean! These days I work in a tiny office and my colleagues are male. There's no bitchiness or back-biting and I love it.
You are so right. Glad it is better for you new. Thanks for the post.
I'm not middle aged and I do feel a great deal of middle-aged eyes starring at me judgementally. Before I've done anything wrong (or said anything honest as I'm prone to). As a result, they scare me away and I don't attempt to know them (that's just me, protecting myself in perhaps not the best of ways).
Sagging, Bagging and Dragging, I love it!! I had a friend who is a mean girl, yes I did say it right she was a friend and she was one of the nastiest women you will meet. This was my neighbor who grew fangs and claws and all over a BBQ that my husband and I miscommunicated over and she ran around telling everyone that we accused them of stealing our BBQ, it was nuts and to make a long story short we are now like the hatfield and mccoys I have never seen anything like it. Well actually it is hilarious as she acts like such an a** , jumping in and out of her car and running to her door, what a nut maybe it could be menopause.:)
Sorry hear about the BBQ issue. So typical that it happens over "NOTHING". Has happened to me and I just don't get it!!!
Candace, an interesting look into the psyche of the opposite thanks. Thanks for the glimpse of some of the inner workings.
You are sooo right. RIGHT ON girl...luv ya
You are so right that these people probably have sad lives. Their own lives are so narrow, mis-focused, lacking in love and charity, and empty, that they attack those around them. You are right when you say they are "Mean".
Their values are not good, nor based on real, positive things. They are focused on trivial, materialistic, and opportunistic things. This is how you can recognize them, by what seems important to them. They HATE people who make them look bad just by being GOOD and having true loving and positive values.
By attacking and belittling others, and dragging them down, they are then able to see themselves in a better light. It can be men, too - not just women. And the best thing I have found to do about these people is to get clear the hell away from them - because they will infect your life with chaos, contention, and strife, and all manner of negativity and problems.
It is very sad that they are this way, and that they are so messed up, but I am not about to let them ruin my life.
So true. Stay clear. But, not so easy they all around.....thanks for the comment.
I just say that I like this movie. But they give inspiration for teenagers. I hope this is the great way for them.
trish1048 Level 3 Commenter 3 years ago
Oh boy! I worked with a mean girl. The minute she got into work, and headed to her cube, you KNEW she was mad. She'd stomp her feet all the way to her chair. She took great pride in pointing out mistakes. She also gossiped continually. If it was about me, she'd speak to her cube mate loud enough for me to hear. She picked fights with her cube-mate. She felt she was always right. When she was in one of her moods, if you tried to talk to her, she'd put her headphones on. If you said good morning, she'd walk right past you. The list just goes on and on! Her and I started our jobs together (we didn't know each other previously). For a period of about two years her and I were teamed up to do a specific job. I don't have the time or energy to tell you what that was like here. She used to threaten to quit the job because among everything else, she felt under-rated, under-paid and was extremely jealous when her cube-mate would win numerous awards for work well done. She felt it should have been her. Lo and behold, 15 years into our job, she finally did resign. We all breathed a sigh of relief.
We now work with a very nice group who enjoy and respect each other.
Thanks for sharing.